Weekend Recap

This weekend was Hardly Strictly Bluegrass, and we went on Saturday and watched Lera Lynn perform. She’s one of those artists who is just as good live as they are in recordings. I was happy. Milo tolerated the noise well; she seems to be good with noise, which means we’ll be able to take her out to more performances and games as she gets older.

Then Sunday, we had planned to go back and see The Blind Boys of Alabama, but Chase and I were pretty tired and opted to stay home instead. So it was an afternoon of football and playing with our girl. Well, as much as we can play with her now - mostly it consists of talking to her, trying to get her to look at us and smile at us, and marveling at all of the baby talk she’s doing lately.

Milo is definitely learning and developing more each week. She follows things with her eyes a lot better now, and we can get smiley reactions out of her now if she’s paying attention. Among her favorite things to do are:

• stare at any light source in the room (lamp, window, TV, etc.)
• stare at the ceiling fan
• fall asleep while breastfeeding
• be bounced on the exercise ball
• stare at the little mirror on her play mat

Today Milo was a bit fussier than she was yesterday, but that’s how it goes: one day sleepy and mellow, the next day fussy and clingy. All in all, the weekend was a good one.

Missing sock

Today we walked to Hardly Strictly Bluegrass. It was Milo’s second festival in the park, and she seemed to have a great time; she slept in the wrap on the way there, and when we laid her out on the blanket, she happily kicked at the umbrella while she stared up at us.

We had pulled pork sliders from Bacon Bacon and a fried-chicken-stuffed waffle from our favorite waffletier, Suite Foods. The music was good; Lera Lynn — who we’d discovered on television — held up well in person, although it was so loud that we had to move our blanket further back on the hill. Our new spot happened to be right next to a baby sock that somebody had left behind in the grass, and passers-by kept picking it up to return it to us, and we had to keep explaining that it wasn’t ours. The last time it happened, I was on my feet bouncing a fussed Milo in my arms, and I just jutted out my lower jaw and shook my head no. The woman understood — too quickly, actually, because she dropped the sock and kept walking before I could ask her to keep it and toss it somewhere else.

Milo didn’t fuss much, and she held onto her own socks. The weather was warm and breezy and not too warm. A few young boys were selling chocolate chip cookies for 50¢; we ate two. The crowds were thick but we waded through them calmly. We left when we felt like it, strolling back the way we came among the eucalyptuses and Monterrey pines and cypresses.

Day Fifty-One

Day Fifty

Getting Out

I try to get out of the apartment at least once per day, both for my own sanity and for Milo’s learning. I like her to be able to look at more things; the problem is that she falls asleep so easily when I take her out, probably because I choose to wear her instead of putting her in a stroller. Most of our outings are close to home (within one mile), but at times, I’ll go a little farther. Yesterday we went all the way to REI! It took two busses and about 40 minutes to get there, and then the way home was a bit stressful because the bus was super full (and super hot). But Milo was a trooper - she woke up in REI and looked around at active wear with me, then she fell asleep again on the way home. Today we went to the grocery store. I talked to her a bit about what she was seeing, and she fell asleep quickly.

The worst part about going out is that there are so many damn smokers everywhere! Also, I’m constantly worried about the sun - Milo’s skin is brand new and I can’t put sunblock on her yet. Oh wait - scratch that; the worst part about going out is having to carry her up 3 flights of stairs when we get home. That is getting TOUGH.

The best part about going out is Milo’s little face when she stares at the world around her. Also, we get lots of smiles :)

Day Forty-Nine

Day Forty-Eight

Midweek Update

This girl is heavy to carry around already. Don’t get me wrong; I still love wearing her, but I’m afraid of how heavy she’ll become with time. If she feels heavy now at only ~11 pounds, I can’t imagine what it’ll be like to wear her when she’s 25 lbs! But Chase and I are committed to babywearing instead of using a stroller all the time, so I suppose her added weight over time will just help with my overall fitness.

This week is going well so far. Milo’s breastfeeding continues to be uneven - one day she wants to eat every hour from only one breast; the next day she wants to eat every 2 hours from both breasts. She’s growing well, so I’m not too concerned about it. The only thing I do get concerned about is the fluctuation it might cause in my milk supply. So far no issues, though. ::fingers crossed::

Updates about me: I’m eating meat again (have been since Milo was a week or two old) and have vowed to discontinue this after the first of the year. I haven’t lost any more weight; in fact, I’ve GAINED 2 pounds and am holding steady at my new weight, which I’m comfortable with. I still have trouble drinking enough water, but I’m making a hearty effort.

Notes:

• I still find myself being scared all the time. Scared about whether Milo is not eating enough, whether she’s breathing at night, scared that she’s feeling some pain that she can’t communicate, scared that I’m not doing a good enough job at mothering her, etc. It’s a bitch, these emotions that come with creating a human!
• I love staring at Milo’s little face when she’s in my arms. I LOVE it! I think it might be causing some headaches, but it’s well worth it.
• My favorite part of the day is our morning nap. Milo lays next to me and often props her hand on my chest as we sleep. It’s adorable.
• Sometimes Milo holds my hand (read: finger) when she eats.
• I love it when I leave Chase and Milo alone in a room and come back to find Chase talking sweetly to our girl. It melts my heart.

Day Forty-Seven

Day Forty-Six

Baby's first blood moon

Tonight there was a blood moon: a full, bright, red moon low in the sky, which the world won’t see again for another 18 years.

We wrapped Milo in a thick blanket and walked up to our rooftop to see it. San Francisco’s cloud cover is notorious for obstructing things like this (see also: fireworks on the 4th of July), so we weren’t sure we’d have any luck, but once we looked in the right direction it was plain as day.

A few neighbors were there too, and we chatted with them as we collectively fawned over Milo and the moon. We said that in another 18 years, we’d be looking at the same blood moon with Milo and we’d have to explain to her why it was special, and how it so neatly bookended her adolescence. Misty aptly pointed out that at 18 her adolescence might still be in full force, and last thing she’d want to be doing is staring at the moon with her parents.

Will it really go that fast?, I wonder. But then I know it will.

Day Forty-Five

Our birth class reunion: oldest (13 weeks) to youngest (Milo, 6 weeks).

Reunion

Chase, Milo, and I headed out to our birth class reunion this afternoon. In total, there were 6 couples in our class, and we (along with one other couple) had the latest due date. The other couple with our due date had their baby on July 30th, which means that Milo was the youngest baby present at the gathering. The babies ranged in age from 13 weeks to 6 weeks, and it was incredible to see the difference between all of the babies’ development. It’s also exciting to think that Milo is going to develop so quickly in the coming weeks!

We had a nice time talking to all the other parents and comparing out little ones. It’s nice to hear that other parents are just as confounded by the crying and fussing of their little bundles. One dad called his son a terrorist and marveled, “Imagine if an adult behaved this way. Imagine if [my wife] was totally cool one moment and then just became inconsolable and started screaming her head off. Then she farts and is, like, totally cool again.” I’d never thought of it that way, but that was a fun conversation.

The other babies were so stinking cute! They’re in various stages of learning to hold their heads up and learning to coo, etc. A couple of the babies were pacifier pros (we still haven’t convinced Milo to take one). One dad was determined to hold all of the littles (he succeeded), and at the end of the party, he deemed Milo the cutest. I don’t know about that, but I think that with time she might be the biggest. She was the youngest, but she was probably about the same size as the others. I don’t know how we ended up with such a chubby baby, but I’m not complaining!

Milo handled herself well all afternoon. She fussed once when she got tired, but we got her to sleep easily. The only time she cried was at the end of the party when we got ready to take the photo (of course). Then something crazy happened - we put her on the sofa next to all the other babies, a couple of whom were also fussing, and they self-soothed and all stopped crying! It was amazing to see. And the photo (see Day Forty-Five) is just about the cutest thing ever. Seriously, brace yourself.

Day Forty-Four

Accomplishments

We got a lot accomplished today. Before Milo was born, I asked all of the kids to participate in a guessing game wherein they tried to predict: sex, birthday, length, and weight of the baby. Then we awarded prizes to the person who was closest in each category. Today we finally got around to mailing out the prizes. There were three winners in the sex category; the winner for birthday was John, who guessed Aug. 11 - only 3 days off. The winner in the length category was Allie, who guessed 21 inches, when Milo was actually 21.6. And the winner of the weight category was Maddie, who guessed 8lbs 12oz - I thought she was NUTS for guessing this weight, but Milo was a healthy 8lbs 10oz. So Maddie was not far off at all!

Chase and I then went out to East Bay for a burger and a quick stop at a park near Lake Merritt. Then we drove out to Treasure Island for their Flea Market. I think this market happens pretty often, and Chase and I have been meaning to get out there for the past 3 years. We finally went today, and it was pretty nice to just walk around and look at stuff. We also bought some dessert.

Throughout the day, Milo was GREAT! She likes being out - I think it provides some much needed stimulation for her. She only fussed when we got caught in traffic on our way to Treasure Island, but she was easily soothed by sucking on my finger (she still won’t take a pacifier). She slept through the whole flea market experience; I fed her several times while we were out; and then we came home and she was alert and active.

Today was a good day.

Day Forty-Three

My Favorite Things

I went to ILSC this afternoon to introduce Milo to all of my coworkers. Milo was great on the way there - slept the whole way on the bus and as I walked to the building. The ladies were all too eager to hold her, and Milo was awake and looking at all the new faces! It was nice to see her among a large group of people all gathered around her. I thought she might fuss, but she was not freaked out at all. She was cool as a cucumber until she got hungry. Then I was able to feed her and get her calmed again. It was so nice to be out and to see everyone again. I think I’ll go back in a couple of weeks.

I even got a chance to head over to the Giants Dugout Store. I was so tempted to buy ALL of the baby stuff, but I thought Chase might be upset if I did. So I bought a couple of other things (not for Milo) and made my way home. Thankfully, Milo slept all the way home. Once there, we spent the rest of the afternoon talking and looking around at stuff in the apartment.

A few of my favorite things, before I forget them:

• Milo grunts and growls when she latches on. She also moves her head from side to side searching for my nipple, like a blind little kitten. It’s super cute!
• When I massage Milo’s feet, her toes curl around my finger like a little ape.
• At night, Milo sleeps next to me. She lays on her back and almost always turns her head to face me. I love feeling her breath on my skin; it’s so comforting to know she’s right there, she’s alive, and she’s sleeping peacefully.

Day Forty-Two

Wrapped

Today marked our final appointment with Michelle and Orna. They came by and we hung out for a while. We found out that Milo now weighs 11 pounds, so she’s still growing nicely. We caught them up on all of the happenings: Giants games and breastfeeding, etc. Then, toward the end of their visit, they performed a Mexican ritual called “Closing the Bones” in which they tied 7 rebozos (sarongs) around me very tightly in order to help me come back into myself as Misty. I really appreciated the ritual because, as I think I’ve mentioned before, it can be quite a crazy shift becoming “Mom” - it can make it difficult to maintain your pre-pregnancy identity, especially when you become a stay-at-home mom and your day consists of baby and baby and more baby. So they wrapped me up, laid hands on me, spoke softly to me, and I went inward. It’s difficult to express how exactly it felt. I thought about who I am, who I was before Milo came along and how much of that person remains. I thought about change, both the good and the difficult, and who I want to be. It was a nice time to be with myself and my thoughts. Here’s a photo for your viewing pleasure:

After their visit, Chase went to work, and I fed Milo and wrapped her up and took a walk down Haight Street. The afternoon was pretty uneventful. I massaged Milo’s tummy with some oil to help with gas and pooping, which she loved. I fed her a lot throughout the day, and she was very alert and happy for most of our time together.

As for our relationship with Michelle and Orna, I know it wasn’t really a goodbye today, so that made it less sad. I love those ladies, and I know that Chase and I will maintain contact with them. They’re not the kind of people you let go of; they’re too good. They have helped us more than they know, and we’re eternally grateful for that. Milo deserves to know them.

Day Forty-One

Changes

Milo has shown some changes in her eating and sleeping patterns. Today she wanted to eat from both breasts (I’d previously been feeding her from only one each time she wanted to eat) and she only ate every 2 hours (where previously she wanted to eat every hour) during the day. It was a nice break from feeding her every hour, but the sudden change caused my breasts to hurt a bit (from slight engorgement).

She also took good naps today, which felt amazing! I felt so accomplished getting her to sleep during the day - normally she doesn’t sleep more than 20 minutes at a time, but her naps today were an hour!

This evening, though, I felt like I was a bit low on milk. I think it’s probably all in my head - Michelle mentioned at some point that I’d feel like my breasts were empty. And the lactation consultant on Monday mentioned that cluster feeding in the evenings is common and breasts have less milk (though it’s more fatty) in the evening hours. So I think what I’m experiencing is common; I feel like I have too little milk, but Milo still seems satisfied and fell asleep easily.

All together, it was a good day, and I think Milo is still getting enough nutrients and growing well.

Day Forty

Day Thirty-Nine

The Heat

It was hot, hot, hot today!! Now, it almost certainly wasn’t “Texas” heat that we had today, but still. Anything above 80 in this city is nearly unbearable, especially for those who rely on public transportation and don’t have air conditioning. We have to rely on open windows to cool the apartment, the drawbacks of which are that a) if there’s no wind, we’re screwed, and b) opening windows means also letting the sun (and its heat) in. So it was a bit uncomfortable all day in the apartment, to say the least.

I went to the breastfeeding circle today, and man was it helpful! Notes from class:

• There were a few other babies, and Milo was the biggest of them all, though not the oldest. I’m raising a giant.
• I heard other babies make the same kinds of noises that Milo makes - the coughing before crying, noises as they feed, etc. It was really comforting.
• Most of the other moms have the same experiences that I have with breastfeeding - painful nipples (early on; they’re good now); feeling like there’s not enough milk.
• I found out that Milo’s fussiness in the evenings is typical. I also found out that her writhing during the wee morning hours is due to gas and is also typical (the other moms have noticed the same from their kiddos).
• I found out that the reason Milo won’t take the bottle is because I have high lipase in my milk, which makes frozen and thawed milk taste like soap. (Note: we gave her fresh milk in a bottle tonight and she accepted it easily.) Now we just have to try scalding my milk to see if it takes away the soapy taste.

It was really comforting to be around other moms, especially those moms who have concerns about breastfeeding. I felt good that my issues were minor and easily explained.

On the way home, I sweated like crazy on the bus and had to take Milo out of her wrap. We were both drenched. I fed her, and I had some nice conversations with the people sitting next to me, none of whom had a problem with my breastfeeding in public. I love California!

Day Thirty-Eight