Blowout

This morning I made another trip downtown. Two days in a row!! Miss Milo was a superstar again. I was only gone for about 2 hours this time, and she slept the whole time. After that good, long nap, she was very alert at home and we played a bit on the floor with some bubble wrap. I set her on top of it, and she kicks up a storm and makes noise and just loves it!

This evening, Chase’s friend Stacy came for a visit. She’s the first of Chase’s friends to meet Milo, and she said that she felt honored. Milo was pretty good, though toward the end of the evening, she was getting pretty cranky. She’d been up for a while.

This evening we saw another milestone, of sorts. Milo had a complete diaper blowout! She was in her little vibrating chair, and we heard some farts while eating dinner. After I finished eating, I picked her up and heard Stacy say “be careful.” At that exact moment, I felt moisture on my hand, which was on her bum. Then I looked in the chair, and I saw a bright yellow puddle. She had pooed so much! Chase and I worked together to clean her up. It was gross, but I was so proud of her for getting out so much poo!

Day Sixty-Three

Comfort

I decided to be brave and venture downtown this morning. I needed to exchange something at Old Navy, and I decided to do a bit of shopping since Milo was being so good (i.e., she was asleep). Then, I went to ILSC to see my old peeps. Milo was so comfortable being held by Nadine and Jeannie! She just looked around and cooed a bit.

Normally, Milo is still in the phase where she only wants to be held by me most of the time. I’m hoping to get out more and go to some play dates so that she can get used to being around other people. Today was a good test - she was so comfortable with others. It was really encouraging!

Day Sixty-Two

This girl is TWO months old today!!!

Shots

Milo is two months old today! That means that it’s time for her first round of shots. I was not excited about this.

Chase took part of the morning off so that he could go with me. I told him I needed him, as I hate needles and probably wouldn’t be able to comfort Milo while they were giving her the shots. So he did some work in the morning and then we set out. We got to our appointment 15 minutes early, as instructed. We filled out a questionnaire, and then we waited. And waited. And waited. Our appointment was at 10:30, and we were probably called back to the office at around 11. The doctor didn’t come into the exam room until about 11:40. I was irked. Chase was irked. Milo was getting sleepy, as she had not been able to nap as she usually does.

The doctor checked her out. We found out that Milo now weighs 12lbs 5oz, which is excellent! The doctor warned us that while Milo is somewhere near the 80th percentile in her size right now, she will probably slow down soon because she’s projected to be a pretty small girl (because her parents are small). As the doctor was examining her, she placed Milo on her tummy, and Milo held her head up like a champ! Then she ROLLED OVER!!! It was the first time she has ever rolled over on her own! Immediately, Milo was freaked out and started crying - she’d shocked herself with this new development! Chase and I (and the doctor) were quite impressed, though.

When it came time for the shots, Chase held Milo’s tiny hands and I turned away. According to Chase, Milo turned a deep red color and shrieked after they poked her. 3 shots and one oral vaccine. I quickly returned to my girl and began nursing her to help calm her down. Chase, ever the pragmatist explained calmly to Milo that while the shots might hurt now, it’s better than getting those nasty diseases the shots are meant to prevent. I don’t think it really comforted either of us, but Milo was quickly asleep and we were quickly home.

Milo spent much of the afternoon sleeping, probably making up for the naps she’d missed in the morning. I think the shots did affect her a little bit, as she wouldn’t wake calmly from sleep. Each time she awoke, she shrieked a little bit and needed lots of comforting before she went back to sleep. Luckily, Milo hasn’t demonstrated any major side effects from the vaccines. Not much fussiness, no fever, etc. And it feels good knowing that she’s a little more protected from those diseases - especially given where we live (whooping cough/measles central). My girl is a trooper!

Day Sixty-One

Fart Factory

Today, Milo had a few good naps. I was pretty pleased with how well she slept. She’s beginning to nap on her own (without needing me to hold her) more and more, so I’m able to get a little bit done during those times. Today it was dishes!

Milo has also begun a kind of routine that I’m not sure I really like. She’ll go a day or two without a really good poop, and then one day she’ll really unload. In the interim, she’s gassy and uncomfortable. As long as she continues pooping and doesn’t have a hard stomach or black poop, I’m told it’s fine. I think I’ll continue giving her belly massages and tummy time to help things out.

Also, Milo is the gassiest baby I’ve ever known! She farts sometimes and I swear they sound like adult farts! Just now, as Chase is feeding her, she let one rip that continued for a couple of seconds. We just stared at her as she stared out into space (focusing on getting it out, I suppose), and we were both very impressed. I just know that Kenneth is going to love it!

New development: Milo doesn’t fall asleep right away when she’s in the moby wrap, so that means she’s able to look around more at her surroundings. This has been going on for several days, maybe a week now. It’s still a bit nerve racking because when she doesn’t fall asleep right away, I worry that she’s going to fuss and try to kick her way out of the wrap. But it’s also exciting because I get to talk to her more and she can look at more things. The down side to the moby wrap is that it’s HOT these days, so both Milo and I sweat and sweat when we go out. But we’re still getting out at least for an hour each day, which is a win.

Day Sixty

Bottles & Books

We stopped trying to give Milo a bottle a few weeks ago. Partially this is because I’m nervous about my supply decreasing if she drinks from a bottle too much. Partially it’s because I’m afraid she’s going to prefer the bottle and will begin to refuse the breast. Partially it’s because I found out that my milk has high lipase and I can’t freeze it without flash pasteurizing it, which I haven’t really had time for. Partially it’s because I just flat out don’t want to give her a bottle.

In any case, we resumed trying the bottle tonight. Because it’s been a while, we had to resort to some trickery to get her to take it. I draped my shirt across Chase’s chest, he held her and let her smell it for a moment, and then she took the bottle well enough. She only drank about 2 oz. I’m not sure if that’s normal, as I’m unable to measure how much milk she normally gets when she drinks from my breast. But it satisfied her, and she went to sleep easily enough.

Earlier in the day, Milo and I went to a book store. She didn’t sleep the entire time, so she was able to look around at someplace new. I bought a couple of sticker books for the kids back in Texas, and I restrained myself from buying every children’s book I saw. It was difficult.

Milestones real and imagined

I spent more time holding Milo this weekend than I have in a while. In part it was an intentional ploy to make her more comfortable with my touch and my smell, since it’s become apparent lately that it’s easier for her to find comfort in her mother. But I didn’t really need a mission to keep me going. Holding Milo was just nice.

She usually falls asleep in the Moby wrap, but at the California Academy of Sciences, she was wide awake and wide-eyed. It helped that she can now keep her head aloft on her own for extended periods of time, because it meant that as I walked by the exhibits of vibrantly colored frogs and birds and insects, she could fix her own gaze. She still mostly chooses to stare at bright lights instead of plaques, but, you know, one step at a time.

She did fall asleep on my lap while we were watching football, and though she gradually slouched to one side and though I kept jostling her upright, she never awoke. Success! (One of the things that has always excited me most about being a parent is the prospect of having my child fall asleep in my arms, so having that come true feels pretty great. Thanks, Milo. Here’s to many more naps to come!)

Meanwhile, Milo is now babbling all sorts of sounds that Misty and I have been taking great liberties to interpret as words. If our real conversations turn out to be even half as much fun as the fake conversations we’re having now, it’s going to be a real treat. I can’t wait.

Day Fifty-Nine

Lazy Day

Chase and I made a trek to the East Bay today to pick up some medium and large gdiapers for Milo. We made a quick stop off at Target to look for a hand fan (no luck), and we ended up buying a couple of bodysuits for Ms. M. We rarely buy new clothes for her, so it was kind of exciting for me.

Milo is getting better at riding in the car without fussing. She’s fine if we time it right - feed her just before leaving, then she falls asleep on the ride. The problem is that some rides take a while and she gets fussed when it’s time to eat again. Or she doesn’t fall asleep and gets fussed when we’re stuck in traffic and the car isn’t moving. Today she was good, only fussed a little bit (traffic) and was easily soothed by sucking on my finger. That’s right - she won’t take a pacifier, but mom’s finger is a-ok.

We also walked to Cal. Academy and looked around at some sciencey things. Milo was awake and looked around the whole time, which we were pleased about. I ended up feeding her on a nice little bench in the middle of a wooded area. Then, once home, we listed a bunch of things on craigslist that we’ve been meaning to get rid of. It was a productive afternoon.

Day Fifty-Eight

Family, and Howard the Duck

Chase’s aunt and uncle (Kathy and Jeff) came down from Colusa and spent some time with us this morning. It was so nice to see them, and we all went to eat brunch at our favorite brunch spot, Brenda’s. We all enjoyed our food, and I only dropped a few crumbs on Milo as I ate. Win!

Actually, I’m quite bad about dropping food on her as I eat. I’m usually holding her when I eat, either because she’s wrapped against me or she’s eating or she’s fussed and I’m comforting her. This weekend I dropped doughnut glaze on her, which I guess I didn’t get completely out of her hair as it was a little matted today. Luckily, we bathed her tonight.

Speaking of baths, Milo doesn’t usually tolerate them well. Our problem (I think) has been that we’ve tried to put her in the tub when she’s already fussed. Tonight, though, we started her bath when she was calm and happy. So, tonight was the first time she’s had a solo bath and didn’t totally freak out about it. Another win!

After brunch, Jeff and Kathy came back to our apartment with us and we all sat around and chatted for a while. Milo was only mildly fussed some of the time, so they were able to snap some photos and I got to talk to adults for a while!

Tonight, Chase and I stayed up after Milo went to bed for the evening. We watched Howard the Duck because it’s on HBOGo for some reason, and Chase had never seen it. I told him it was terrible, which was one reason he had to see it. It’s always a gamble when we stay up late (late = any time after 10pm) because we never know how long Milo will let us sleep. Hopefully tonight is a good night!

Day Fifty-Seven

Lucky

Motherhood is something I never really thought I’d experience. I always figured I’d be the aunt but not a mom. I’d eliminated the possibility. I always thought pregnancy was something alien and uncomfortable. To have a little human growing inside of you - who would ever want that?

And then I met Chase.

Now, I feel very lucky to have had the experience of pregnancy. It is alien and weird sometimes, it caused constipation and sickness, I got stretch marks and had to pee constantly, etc. But it also gave me a confidence in my body that I’ve never felt before. As a pregnant woman, I felt strong, healthy, dare I say sexy. Pregnancy gave me the chance to feel my baby move and know that she was alive because I’m alive; she existed in me. I felt kicks and hiccups and stretches and turns. I fretted when I didn’t feel her move. I photographed my growing belly and loved, loved, loved every inch of it.

Now that she’s here, I spend nearly all of my time with her. When I feed her and she stares up at me with those dark gray eyes, I know that in her 8 short weeks, this girl has changed my life forever. My body is scarred and saggy, and I still feel beautiful. I think about the relationship I have with my mother and smile, knowing that someday I have the chance to have that again with my girl.

I’m always afraid that something will go wrong; I dread the day we have to take Milo to the hospital. I know she’s going to fall from trees and scrape her knees. She’s going to wander off. She’s going to cry and get her heart broken. She’s going to learn hard lessons and struggle with herself. Through it all, I’ll be by her, struggling with her and supporting her.

Through all the fears, I still feel lucky. This girl of mine has graced my life, and it’s fuller because of her.

Day Fifty-Six

Strong Girl

Today Milo was in a good mood much of the day. She still slept a lot, but she was also awake quite a bit. We got to hang out, talk (I did most of the talking, but she cooed just a bit), and look around at things. She really tolerates a lot from me. For instance, sometimes when I bounce her on the ball, I put her face up against my face so that we’re bouncing cheek-to-cheek. It’s cute. To me, anyway.

Milo and I also practiced baby pull-ups today. I set her on my lap with my legs bent, put my thumbs in her hands and wrapped the rest of my fingers around her forearms. Then I pulled her up and allowed her to tense her arms and body and lift her head up away from my legs. She’s so good at it, and she loved it!

Milo went to sleep pretty late tonight and last night, which is a bit worrisome. Both tonight and last night, she got to sleep for the night at around 10:45pm. I’ll try to get her to bed earlier tomorrow. That will (hopefully) kick off the weekend right!

Notes:

• I still love it when Milo growls a bit when she’s hungry and finally finds the nipple.
• I found an AWESOME deal on M/L gdiapers on craigslist! If I get them, that means we’ll have the diapers we need for our girl until she’s ready to potty train! Score!
• Milo does not like me picking boogers out of her nose. It makes her scream! But she does like the snot-sucker-bulb-thing. She lays quietly when I use it to suck out the boogers.

Day Fifty-Five

Growing and Pooping

Chase went to a movie tonight. We both read The Martian, and Goodreads bought tickets for all employees who were interested in seeing the film. In the past, I’ve gone with them to these events, but it wasn’t possible this time. I was incredibly jealous of him getting to see the movie while I’m still unable to go. Soon, hopefully, I’ll feel up to leaving her with a sitter so that Chase and I can go out. So far, though, I don’t want to be away from her. I get a lot of anxiety when she’s not in my line of vision - so when I make dinner while Chase watches her some evenings, I have to pop in every so often to make me feel better. This will pass, right? I’ll eventually get to go places again?

Milo is quickly nearing the 2-month mark, and I think it must be mentioned that she’s nearly too big for her 3-month clothes. Some of her 3-month onesies are kind of snug, though others still have some room for her to grow. I love having a chubby girl, though.

Speaking of chubbiness, sometimes her belly looks HUGE because of lack of poop. It doesn’t happen often, but every so often, she’ll go a day or so without having a really good poop. She still maintains her little-bit-of-poop-in-every-diaper routine, but the big poops are missing. So today she FINALLY had a few good poops, and her big belly finally looks a bit smaller. Hopefully that means she’ll sleep better tonight. (I’ve read that breastfed babies can sometimes go a full week without pooping! Hopefully Milo does not get that bad.)

Notes:

• My favorite time of day is morning when Milo is smiley and fun. She lays in bed with us and smiles, looks around, coos, and kicks a lot.
• I put big bubble wrap under Milo’s feet today, and she LOVED it! She kicked and kicked and stayed occupied for a while.
• Milo is becoming a professional head-holder-upper!

Day Fifty-Four

Milk

Update: Milo slept as well as ever last night. She fell asleep around 10pm, woke up to eat at 3am and then again at 5:30am, and then she woke up for the day at 7:30am. We feel very rested!

I’m proud to say that I’ve been fattening up my baby with only my milk, no need for supplementation. I don’t know how much she currently weighs, but her cheeks are getting chubbier by the day. I think they might start drooping soon :)

Today was a good, active day for my girl. She took a short nap, followed that up with a couple of hours of awake time, then another decent nap (2 hours!) with me on the sofa, and then she remained awake for much of the day, with little catnaps (~20m) here and there. We talked, she goo-gooed and smiled, and she looked around and watched me while I got a few chores done around the house. It was a nice day.

She’s been pretty gassy and poopy lately, so I’m thinking about doing some experimentation with my diet to see if I can help her out. I already tried cutting down on dairy, but that didn’t seem to make much difference. I’m not sure what I’ll try to cut down on next. I worry about her gas pain, mostly at night because that’s when she squirms most.

At night, she’ll often squirm a lot (turning her head from side to side, writhe in her swaddle, kick her legs) from about 2am until it’s time for her to wake up. At the breastfeeding group, the lactation consultant told us that this is normal, but it’s still disconcerting. She does all of this squirming while she’s still asleep, which is impressive. Sometimes I’ll pick her up to feed her, thinking that she’s awake because of all the movement she’s been doing, and find that she’s still sleeping. Anyway, we’ll see if the gassiness subsides in the coming weeks.

Day Fifty-Three

Mondays

Mondays are my least favorite day of the week. Chase goes back to work, and I rarely have the impetus to leave the apartment. Today was extra warm again, so that didn’t make things any better.

Today was one of those days when Milo wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep. She took nap after nap, and she didn’t want to leave my arms. Each time I tried to lay her down, she’d fuss and then scream. So, since she’s still in the “4th trimester,” I decided that it is still better to hold her rather than try to force her to sleep on her own. I ended up holding her much of the day, which is fine by me. I can never get enough of that face!

Here’s hoping she sleeps well tonight.

Day Fifty-Two