Pre-crawling

Milo’s sleep was the same last night. Chase was kind enough to both make breakfast and watch Milo while I showered this morning. He stayed home until about 10am doing some work, and when he was ready to leave, Milo and I were just waking up from our first nap of the day. Since she’s waking up so early (around 6am), she’s ready for a nap by around 8 or 9.

During tummy time today, Milo held her head up very high. And, as I held my hands behind her feet, she pushed herself very well across the blanket. She even held her head up as she scooted, which is new. Chase thinks she’s going to be crawling really soon. I think it’ll be at least another month. But really - when she’s on her tummy on the floor, she really looks like she’s ready to take off; legs moving, arms propping her upper body up, head held high. It’s really going to freak me out when she moves on her own. We need to start baby proofing this place.

Night two of the bedtime routine: It didn’t go quite as miraculously smoothly as last night, but Milo still fell asleep pretty easily tonight. We omitted the bath (because it seems pretty ridiculous to bathe a baby every night) and moved right into white noise, lullaby, and massage. Chase and I are woefully unaware of appropriate lullabies. Last night I found myself singing “Wonderwall”. Tonight we stuck with “This Little Light of Mine” and “You Are My Sunshine,” both of which we only know one verse to, so we didn’t sing much.

In other news, Milo is just about too big for the bassinet already. We haven’t even used it yet. Chase and I are thinking about putting together the crib and training her to sleep there. But that’s going to take some rearranging of furniture, so perhaps next weekend. I’m not entirely eager to move Milo out of our bed, but I hear it’s for the best.

School

We have a niece named Olivia. She’s four years old, and when we were in Texas this spring, I sat with her in a back room of my mother-in-law’s home and played a game of memory on the floor. We’d bought the tiles from IKEA; they had pictures of fanciful crowned Swedish elephants and other animals. Olivia liked them well enough, but before long we digressed into a game of School that I will never forget.

What’s School, you ask? It’s not really a game. More like a chaotic alternate universe that lives inside Olivia’s head — a universe in which:

1. teacher is boss
2. teacher constantly needs to prove teacher is boss
3. everyone else is student
4. teacher has the attention span of a four-year-old

I was not teacher, so I was student, and Olivia commanded that I do task after task: matching the cards, un-matching them, putting them away, getting out the other deck, standing up, lining up, sitting down, being quiet, speaking up. Nothing I did was right, especially since I kept ignoring the one other (imaginary) student in the class. I really wish I remembered his name. What I do remember is that I was so disrespectful to the teacher that I ended up in timeout in the other room.

After that, my mother-in-law stepped in and told Olivia she couldn’t put her uncle in timeout.

Despite seeming angry at me and at her grandma, Olivia must have had fun, because playing School was one of the first things she asked me to do when Misty and I visited Texas again last weekend. I obliged. This time, my other young niece — seven-year-old Maddie — and nephew were present, so we really had quorum for a proper class. We also had materials: a series of educational booklets about each of the 50 United States. We also had a power struggle: Olivia and Maddie are both alphas, so while Maddie kept trying to read to us about Wyoming, Olivia kept plastering the wall with black play-doh so we’d have a screen on which to watch an educational film. We had two teachers. And later, when I took my turn as teacher, we had two principals.

I stopped playing, but they begged me to come back. I refused and refused and finally caved in and tried to take charge and be teacher and have them all be students, and it worked, but almost immediately I had to throw my lesson plans out the window. I was wearing a T-shirt with a rather anatomically incorrect depiction of a pig, and they had an endless stream of questions about it. One of my answers grossed out Olivia, who said eeewwwwwwwwwwww. Maddie quickly figured out how to ask very similar questions, and I obliged with similarly gross answers, to which the entire class erupted every time in gleeful response: eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I mention all this because I can’t wait for Milo to play School. I can’t wait for her to be old enough to meet these girls as a talking, thinking human being, and to look up to them, and to miss them when they’re gone — to want to play with them again. I can’t wait for Milo herself to be old enough to ask questions about things that I take for granted, like my shirt. I can’t wait for her preposterous assumptions, her naiveté, her imagination. And it’s especially hard to wait to be that silly with Milo, and to sneak in actual morsels of knowledge here and there, and to see Milo volley back both the knowledge and the silliness a thousandfold.

Day Eighty-Seven

Redwoods

Milo’s sleep hasn’t improved. Last night, she fell asleep at around 8:30, woke up to eat at around 11pm, then she was up at 2, 4, 5, and she stayed awake at 6am. She had a nap at around 7:45 and awoke at around 8:30. Later in the day, she had a few cat naps until this evening, when she slept from about 5 until 7. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish reading that book this week and we can start working on her routine.

Before I forget, I need to mention what a godsend Milo’s vibrating chair is. Right at this moment she’s sitting in it, and I just heard some heavy gas and (hopefully) pooping. It never fails us; every time we want to help her loosen those bowels, we set her in the chair, and before long we hear the trumpets. Amazing.

Back to today: Chase and I visited La Boulangerie de San Francisco in Cole Valley this morning (after Milo’s first nap) and had a bit of brunch. It was a rainy day, so we didn’t walk around too much at that time. I decided that I wanted to be out of the apartment more (since I’m home so much during the week), so Chase rented the car in the building and we headed out to East Bay. We picked up some mac n cheese from Homeroom and then went out to Redwood Regional Park for a look around.

After eating in the car (there was a slight drizzle), we put Milo in the carrier and set out for a walk (when the drizzle stopped). Milo loves looking at trees, and she put up a valiant effort to stay awake during our walk. She lasted about 15 minutes, and then she was passed out until we were leaving the park. Hopefully she enjoyed what she was able to see.

Notes:

• Milo took the pacifier in the car, which helped her stop fussing. If we do make a trip up north for Thanksgiving, I feel better knowing that she can be soothed while in the carseat.

• Chase and Milo played on the floor for just a little while today. Her tummy time abilities are great when she’s in the mood. Today, however, she was fussed and the play didn’t last long.

Later:

• Tried the night time routine for the first time tonight. Worked well, except that while we were in the massage phase, Milo started smiling and laughing, which of course made Chase and I crack up. Another thing I don’t want to forget: the early laughs and how amazing they are.

Day Eighty-Six

Zoo

Chase and I bought a new carrier, so we decided to really try it out today with a trip to the zoo. Chase and I have never been, so we thought it would be a nice trip, especially given that the weather isn’t godawful hot anymore. It takes two buses to get there, which equals about 40-50 minutes of travel time.

Milo was cranky at first, but she eventually fell asleep on the bus. Milo woke up for part of the visit, but mostly slept through it. She also slept all the way home. With not much awake time, I’m a bit worried about how she’ll sleep tonight. As has become the trend, she didn’t sleep great last night. She fell asleep easily at around 8:30pm, awoke at 12:45, then she woke at 2:15, 4:45, and 6am. In between there were lots of fits of unrest, during which I was mostly awake and did my best to keep Milo asleep.

According to the book, I need to try to get Milo to self-soothe so that she doesn’t expect someone to constantly tend to her during the night. I do this by waking her a little just before I set her down to sleep; then, I allow her to put herself to sleep. It sounds crazy, and I think it’s going to require a lot of attempts. We also need to set a routine so that she knows it’s time for long sleep. If we do these things, she’s supposed to sleep better within the next couple of weeks. Let’s hope I have what it takes to follow through on all of these new sleep rules.

Development notes:

• Milo screamed on the bus this afternoon. It was part of her fussing and crying, but it was an actual scream. Chase says he remembers her doing that in the early hours of the morning, too.

• Each day, she’s getting better at putting her hands on things purposely. Today, Chase was holding a cat rattle in front of her, and she immediately put her hand on it.

• Milo has clearly mastered the art of following things with her eyes. She follows objects so fluidly! Clearly she’s a genius.

Day Eighty-Five

Holding On

I know that there are things I’m going to miss about this time when Milo gets older. Chase has a coworker whose pre-teen told him recently that he needs to enjoy holding her hand now because soon she’s not going to want him to do that. A pretty self-aware girl. I keep thinking about that girl when I look at Milo and wondering what I’m going to have to let go of soon.

I’m going to miss holding her like a baby, cradling her in my arms. She’s not sitting up well yet, and she still likes being nestled in the crook of my arm. I love having her there.

I love holding her as she sleeps. I know I’m probably not supposed to do this anymore, especially because she’s nearly 3 months. But I can’t help it. I love her little face so calm as she sleeps in my arms. Her mouth opens just a little bit when she’s really out.

Breastfeeding. I think this is the big one that I won’t want to let go of when the time comes. I love breastfeeding her. I love the eye contact. I love holding her close to me. I love the way her hands search out for any part of me to hold on to. I love the sounds she makes as she eats. I think I’ll even miss how messy she is when she eats.

Other things I don’t want to forget:

• Milo’s tongue vibrates when she cries.
• Her favorite time of the day is morning. She coos and smiles and plays, and it’s just perfect.
• Milo’s little toes grab onto things.
• She loves looking up at trees when I carry her in the park.

My girl is growing up too fast.

Family care

Milo’s sleep has been more fitful for the last few nights. Perhaps it’s because she’s readjusting to California and to the end of daylight savings time, but whatever the explanation, she’s writhing and moaning and waking more in the night. Misty is bearing the brunt of this because Milo still isn’t comfortable with bottle feeding, so when Milo woke again at 5am this morning and wouldn’t go back to sleep after a feeding, I took her.

There’s still no magic trick to calm her. Changing it up — no matter what tactic you change from or to — seems to help, perhaps because the change alone tells her that something is different and that you’re trying. This time I carried her into the living room and bounced on the ball, and before long she showed some renewed interest in sleep. I wanted to sleep too, so I awkwardly and delicately arranged the two of us on the couch, keeping one warm hand under her body while slowly arranging my blanket and pillow with the other. Eventually there was no part of my body contorted too oddly, and eventually her body and breath settled into a steady rhythm, and we slept on our sides, her in my arms, until sunrise.

Meanwhile, in a still room on a bed by herself, Misty napped soundly.

Even when Milo woke with her usual mix of joy and constipation, I kept her quiet (and Misty asleep) — by sitting up, leaning back, and laying Milo down with her back on my chest. She continued to feel my warmth as I firmly massaged her belly in a U shape, and in no time her diaper was full.

It was the closest I’ve been to understanding what it’s like for Misty to breastfeed. There’s something oddly satisfying about caring for Milo’s needs so directly, so physically. I really feel my love for her more than ever before, and I feel what it means for us to be a family.

Day Eighty-Four

Three Month Changes

I noticed today that Milo is trying to turn over when laying on her back. She picks one leg up and tries to turn her hips. She’s getting pretty good at it.

Milo and I took a trip to Cal. Academy this morning. I wanted to show her the aquarium and fish tunnel. We sat a while in front of the big fish tank, and soon it was in time for the feeding. So, Milo got to see a diver in the tank and the fish race across the tank as more food was deposited in the tank. I thought it was pretty cool, but Milo was more interested in people watching. There were so many kids around and so much noise - Milo just kept turning her head to see everyone. Occasionally she’s turn back to the fish and was transfixed there. It was nice.

After that, we went to the fish tunnel, where all the big fish and turtles swim over head and all around. I laid Milo on a bench so that she could see everything. Again, she mostly looked at the people, but there were glimpses of the fish.

In other news, Milo appears to be going through some 3-month changes. I’d heard that baby’s sleep changes when she reaches a certain age, but I wasn’t really prepared for it so soon. She’s been sleeping just a few hours right when we put her down, then she wakes up about every hour to 90 minutes.

I’ve got to admit, it has been hard the past couple of nights. Last night was the first night in a long time that I’ve gotten frustrated. At around 5am, I reluctantly woke up Chase to help me with her. Usually I try to let him sleep, only waking him to help swaddle occasionally, because he’s got to work and I get to nap during the day. Last night, though, I just needed help. Chase eventually got her to sleep (some time around 6am, I think) and he let me sleep until she needed to eat, some time around 7:30, I think.

I fed her, and she ended up sleeping again from around 8:30 to 10am. I think it’s time I start reading The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep so that I can find out how to get a baby to sleep well after 12 weeks. Maybe things will change soon.

Day Eighty-Three

Growing Up

Some new developments:

• Milo is looking at her feet now. She sits in her chair or lays on the ground and lifts up her legs. I see her staring at them for short spurts of time, and then she puts them down.

• Tummy time: we still try to do tummy time a little bit every day, and lately she’s been very active. I set her on top of the boppy, and she tries to crawl right over the top! I also tried a few of the baby games from a book mom bought me. So she put her hands in some water while watching a rubber ducky float (she wasn’t really interested in the duck or the water; she just wanted to crawl over the boppy).

• I sat Milo up and she watched me stack blocks and tip them over. Milo loves to sit up straight lately, so I ordered her a floor seat to help her sit. It should be here Friday.

• Milo is making a lot of new and different noises these days. She talks more, and I think it sounds a lot like complaining. She’s not crying as much, and she’s replaced it with babbling and more controlled bursts of sound.

• Perhaps the most exciting thing that happened today is that Milo deliberately touched my leg. I was wearing patterned leggings, and I sat on the ground next to where Milo was laying. She looked over at me and put her hand on my knee for a few minutes, passing it back and forth, really concentrating on the pattern and her hand. It was awesome!

Day Eighty-Two

Recovery

First day back; It’s kind of hard to be home, I’ll admit. It’s so quiet here, and there is far less to stimulate Milo. So, once again, I’m back to finding things to do during the day to try and entertain/educate/stimulate my girl.

We didn’t do much. A trip to Target and Trader Joe’s during which Milo stayed awake most of the time. She fell asleep quietly and without much ado as I stood at a bus stop. Overall, Milo slept a lot today, which made me wonder whether she’s catching up after so much stimulation in Texas. It’s like she just got done with a wild bender and now she’s recovering. I should have napped more, but I wanted to do some things around the apartment. So, I’m pretty tired.

Day Eighty-One

Relief

One of the bittersweet things that happened on this trip is Milo’s reaction to Lynn. Lynn is one of my favorite people in the world, so when Milo decided to cry every time Lynn held her, it was kind of disappointing. I kept trying to tell her that Aunt Lynn is going to be one of her favorite people, too, but she wouldn’t hear logic. Today, though, at lunch, Milo was pretty content in Lynn’s arms. I felt a little relief.

We said our goodbyes to Mom and Dad today, and Aunt Janie et al. came by to say goodbye as well. Milo had a lot of awake time this morning, which was great because everyone wanted to hold and talk to her. Natalie finally got to hold her while she wasn’t crying, the girls got in a few more baby kisses, and Milo wasn’t very fussy at all. On the way to lunch, she fell asleep in the carseat. Usually she doesn’t sleep in the carseat long, but today she did, and I was relieved.

We flew back to SF in the afternoon/evening. I was nervous about the flight because it was in the evening, and I wasn’t sure how Milo was going to do this time since there was no guarantee that she’d sleep much. I worried for nothing, as it turns out, because my girl slept the ENTIRE FLIGHT. A little bit of stirring a couple of times, I fed her a couple of times, but overall she just slept and slept. Again, relief.

Day Eighty

Family Love

We had a big family get-together today at Mom’s house. Steven bbq-ed some sausage and hot dogs, Matt made brisket, mom made beans and potato salad, and Blanca brought Spanish rice. Lots of good food! Everyone came over, and once again Milo saw a lot of new faces.

Milo was still a bit grouchy and sleepy, but she did let Matthew hold her for quite a long time. He carried her inside and out. Milo still loves being outside, and since it wasn’t sunny, she was pretty happy. Not that she dislikes sun; but sometimes the sun can be a bit too bright for her.

In the evening, there was a sweet moment when Maddie read a couple of books to her, first when sitting with Chase and later when sitting with Stacy. Also, at some point, all the girls (Olivia, Violet, Maddie) gathered around Milo and hugged and kissed on her very sweetly. There were lots of little girl hands all over her, little lips on cheeks, and sweet closeness between cousins. Milo loved it.

Day Seventy-Nine

Halloween

Since we got here, we’ve been staying on California time so that Milo doesn’t get messed up. That means she’s going to sleep at around 11pm and waking up at around 9am. Except today. Today, we planned to go see Noelle in the morning, so we woke up at around 7:30. I fed my girl and tried to put her back to sleep, but for some reason she wouldn’t stay sleeping. She stayed awake all the way to Noelle’s. Finally I got her to sleep a little after 9:30, but I suspected that she was going to be cranky today due to lack of sleep (I was right).

We had a nice visit with Noelle and Robin and John, but Milo mostly slept. After a couple of hours, we headed back to Mom’s to visit with Kenny and Sue, et al. Since it’s Halloween, we put Milo in a Ninja Turtle outfit that Lynn bought her. At some point in the early afternoon, Kenneth held her and she immediately began smiling big. She also pooped big - it came right out of her diaper and coated her back as he held her. After giving her a big attagirl for blessing Kenneth that way, we changed her, but that meant that she was no longer a Ninja Turtle. Win some, lose some.

Milo slept a lot and fussed a lot due to lack of sleep. Sue and Katie got to hold Milo, both as she was asleep and awake. The rest of the family came by at different times, but everyone ended up at Mom’s in the evening, as Chase and I had planned a big family dinner. It was a really lovely evening; even though I spent a lot of time calming my girl (she wanted me a lot today), I also spent a lot of time surrounded by family. The love was palpable tonight. My girl is so lucky.

Day Seventy-Eight

Travel Recap; Texas

10-29-15

Notes about the flight:

• Milo slept during the flights, which means they went very smoothly. On the descent, I fed her, so that helped with any ear discomfort.
• During the first flight (from SFO to Houston), Milo pooped a big, heavy poop (which spilled out of her diaper and got all over her pants, swaddle, and my leg). Changing her in the tiny bathroom was something.

Notes about our first day in Texas:

• Everyone held Milo today, and she was pretty good with all of the new faces.
• Because of all the stimulation, she was pretty sleepy today. Luckily, no one minded holding her while she slept, so that helped Milo get the rest she needed.
• In the evening, Milo was very awake and playful. She played with Momers (grandma) for a while before bed.

10-30-15

Milo slept very well last night. It seems like she spent most of the day yesterday sleeping, so I wasn’t entirely expecting her to sleep well. Though I suspect that I was a pretty heavy sleeper last night as well, so that may account for my perception that she slept well.

Big milestone today: Milo began rubbing her hands together and looking at them. I noticed this as she sat on the sofa - she clumsily put her hands together and fixed her eyes right there. It was AMAZING!

Another good moment: Milo laughed as Dad held her tonight. We were visiting him for dinner tonight, and he picked her up to play with her. Sitting on his knee, she gave a little chuckle as Chase talked to her a bit.

Another couple of tidbits: Mom successfully gave Milo a bottle tonight before passing Milo off to Chase. Hopefully we’ll be able to give her a bottle without outside assistance soon. Also, we finally found a pacifier that Milo will suck on. Discovered this today while Mom held her.

All together, the past two days were pretty great. The whole family came together to meet our girl, and it has been pretty special so far.

Day Seventy-Seven

Travel Day

Today’s a heavy travel day, so I thought I’d (pre)write a blog post about how we decided on Milo’s name. Everyone asks, so I thought it would be good to record it.

Several years ago (circa 2011), Chase and I had been living together for a few months and began to talk about the future. Things between us have always been good, and I think we both knew pretty early on that this relationship was going somewhere. So, when talking about the future, we naturally began discussing marriage and children. When talking about future possible children, we thought immediately about an episode of This American Life in which the storyteller discusses his decision to refer to his future child as POTUS instead of “It”. We thought this was a good idea, so we started thinking about possible names to call our nonexistent baby.

Immediately, our conversation turned to literary references, and eventually we started talking about children’s books. My favorite is The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. We couldn’t very well call our future nonexistent child “Little Prince,” and there were no other names in the book. So, we turned to Chase’s favorite children’s book: The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster. The main character is Milo.

Milo. Yeah, we could call our baby that. Milo was a good character, and Milo was a name that could feasibly suit a boy or a girl. Milo was also the name of a character in Catch-22, which is a favorite novel for both of us. Milo is also the name of the cat in Milo and Otis, which I remember fondly as a very cute movie.

So, for several years before our girl joined us (before we even knew that our girl was a girl), we talked and talked about our little Milo. “Someday, we’ll take Milo to the zoo. Someday, Milo and I will take a long bike ride. What do you think it’ll be like when Milo sees the redwoods for the first time? Milo’s going to look just like you!” and so on.

By the time I became pregnant, Milo had been Milo for years. It would have felt wrong to call her anything else.