Day three

Mom & Alyssa left today. I wept a lot. This was probably the worst day for them to leave since it’s the day when my hormones are supposed to bottom out. I would have scheduled differently if we could have predicted when Milo would be here. I just really couldn’t handle mom leaving, and I wept and wept at various times during the day and night.

Michelle and Orna came over just after Chase got back from the airport, and I cried more. They listened, they showed infinite patience, they helped me with breastfeeding, and they made me feel like this is something I can do. Motherhood.

It’s hard to describe how I’m feeling these days. I don’t know what I thought day 3 would feel like, but this is not it. I feel drained. I feel emotionless. Except, of course, for the bad/sad emotions. I feel those. I feel lethargic and, in general, like there is nothing in the world that could make me feel better. Even Milo.

And then there’s Chase, who brings back all the love just as I think it’s gone from me. He, too, has infinite patience. He is all kindness and giving, and I don’t know if I could do any of this without him. He lets me cry and holds my hand. Tells me that this is going to pass and he’ll do whatever he can to help me through it. I don’t know how I found him, but I’m so glad I did.