The baby workout

chase  ·  Sat, Aug 22, 2015

I heard once that even after a child starts walking, their mother will often continue to bounce as she paces around her home because the habit of doing so to soothe the baby is so deeply ingrained.

I can see why. Milo likes motion just as much as any baby, and so now I find myself constantly experimenting with new ways to rock, gyrate, vibrate, and bounce. I try to mind my own comfort, so I use what aids I can; sitting on the exercise ball is particularly helpful. But in many cases I just have to mine my own strength (or lack thereof) in places like, say, my abs.

So of course I imagine the informercials: Have you tried every workout under the sun? Are you frustrated that you never have the time or discipline to get REAL results? Well now there’s a workout for just you — the Baby Workout! Get the abs you’ve always dreamed of in just three easy steps: 1. Have a baby. 2. Hold them in your arms and rock back and forth until they stop crying. 3. Repeat whenever they start crying again!

See also: bench-pressing your baby. That’s a fun one.